Attacked by...

So I decided to do some "research" this evening. Below you see some common attacks undergone in the world and how many hits they get on Google.

Google "Attacked by X.
X=:

Woman = 30,000
Man = 28,000
Steve Ballmer = 24,900
Rabid walrus = 9,880
Fuzzy bunny = 8,810
Science = 3,290
Squirrel = 1,960
Apple = 1,400
Velociraptor = 2
Bill Gates = 1
Zombie Nixon = 1
Linus Torvalds = 0

Data Analysis

Based on this data you are 7% more likely to be attacked by a woman than a man. Steve Ballmer is quite dangerous, but thankfully Bill Gates is not very likely to attack. This was expected from previous qualitative assessments, which conclude Steve Ballmer to be stark raving mad. You are as likely to be attacked by Bill Gates as you are by a zombie Nixon. There are only 2 reported velociraptor attacks, but this may be because velociraptors rarely leave a survivor to report. Linus Torvalds has never reportedly attacked someone. You are 449% more likely to be attacked by a fuzzy bunny than a squirrel, putting to rest the belief that fuzzy bunnies are harmless and lending further clout to Monty Python's portrayal of the search for the Holy Grail. Perhaps most interesting is the intensity of rabid walrus attacks, which are much higher than previous studies predicted.

Acknowledgements

This study was funded in part by the Foundation to Exterminate Rabid Walruses.